Related:

• A fella's talking to his priest. He said, "I gave up sex for Lent .
  .. Well, I tried to, but the last day of Lent my wife dropped a can of peaches and when she bent over to pick 'em up, I couldn't help it....
• A fool and his money are my two favorite people.
• People on 'ludes Should Not Use E-Mail.........
• Cop: "He's making a break for it. Get him!" Fry: "No, no, I was just picking my nose.
  Cop: "He's picking his nose. Get him!...
• All these black people are screwing up my democracy. -- Ian Smith
• Show my head to the people, it is worth seeing. -- Georges Danton, to his executione
• Florence Flask was ... dressing for the opera when she turned to her husband and screamed, "Erlenmeyer!
  My joules! Someone has stolen my joules!" "Now, now, my dear," replied her husband, "keep your balance and reflux a moment....
• Rev.L: [reluctantly, to phone] Hello, Ned. Ned: Sorry to bother you, Rev.
  Lovejoy, but I'm kind of in a tizzy. My son Todd just told us he didn't want to eat his damn vegetables....