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• You are excess baggage in the airport of life. -- Judy Tenuta
• This guy was puffing his cigar in my petite flower face!
  So I said, "If I wanted to shorten my life--I'd date ya!" -- Judy Tenuta...
• You remind me of my brother Bosco--only he had a human head. -- Judy Tenuta
• It's hard to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic just because she lives in your body!
  -- Judy Tenuta...
• If anything I have said offends you, well that's just too bad. :)
• I was walking down Madison Avenue and I saw a very good-looking tie in a shop window.
  So I went in. Before I could say anything the manager said, "Oh, Tony Randall!...
• Just as the prisoner was being strapped into the electric chair, the priest said, "Son, is there anything I can do for you?
  The prisoner said, "Yeah, when they pull the switch, hold my hand." -- Dick Gregory...
• Have you said "I love you" to your mother lately
• I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep.
  Mom said, "Steven, time to go to sleep." I said, "But I don't know how....