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• Getting the baby to sleep is the hardest when she is about 18 years old.
• My girlfriend and I went on a picnic. I don't know how she did it, but she got poison ivy on the brain.
  When it itched, the only way she could scratch it was to think about sandpaper. -- Steven Wrigh...
• I used to think she was quite intelligent, in my stupidity.
  The reason I did was because she knew quite a lot about the theater and plays and literature and all that stuff....
• Lisa: I can't believe it, Bart. I'd always thought Jessica was so sweet!
  Bart: She's like a Milk Dud, Lis: sweet on the outside, poison on the inside....
• When I think about myself, I almost laugh myself to death
  My life has been one great big joke, Sixty years in these folks' world A dance that's walked The child I works for calls me girl A song that's spoke, I say "Yes ma'am" for working's sake....
• I've had five years of happy marriage. Which isn't bad out of fifteen .
  .. She looked at me one night, said, "Do you think I'll lose my looks when I get old?...
• My mother traded with a Ferengi for me when I was a baby.
• Five-Minute University teaches you in five minutes what the average college student remembers five years after he or she's out of school .
  .. Say, if you want to take Spanish, what I teach you is "Como esta usted....
• Rogers: "Did you have any other children?" Beverly
  My husband died a number of years ago, Wes was our only child....