Related:

• If your eyes hurt after you drink coffee, you have to take the spoon out of the cup.
  -- Norm Crosby...
• Coach: What would you say to a beer, Normie? Norm: Daddy wuvs you.
  -- Cheers, The Mail Goes to Jail Sam: What'd you like, Normie?...
• Mothers do it with their children.
• Scott: "Do you mind a little advice? Starfleet captains are like children.
  They want everything right now, and they want it their way....
• When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
  -- Norm Crosby...
• A five-year-old kid raised his hand at school. The teacher declined to let him leave the room.
  Five minutes later she reversed herself. She said, "All right, Sonny, you may go now....
• Some people have a lot of vanity. They say, "I only wear glasses when I drive.
  If you only need glasses when you drive, then drive around with a prescription windshield!...
• My friend and his wife stayed in a hotel and got a bill for ninety dollars.
  He screamed, "For what, ninety dollars?" The desk clerk said, "For room and board, sir....
• Kid 1: You got a fresh sound. It'll play well at this school.
  Kid 2: [looking a lot like Milhouse] Hey, Bart, do you have a best friend yet?...