Related:

• BURWOOD AVENUE, HAWTHORN: Burke Road to Burwood Road, closed to through traffic until about mid-October.
  -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA....
• COTHAM ROAD, KEW: Outbound traffic restricted to tram tracks from Uvadale Grove to Florence Avenue until about January 2007.
  -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA....
• That road which is the sole road which leads to the greatest tourist attraction in the area can only be repaired during the busiest three weeks of the entire tourist season.
  Repairs are to be done in such a manner that the maximum amount of time is required to cover the minimum amount of distance....
• STEERING COMMITTEE Picture a huge semi-trailer, hurtling uncontrolled down the road.
  .. and inside the vast cab, is the steering committee, trying to pass a motion to swerve to avoid a little old lady....
• FINE Term used by weathermen when they don't really know what it's going to be like.
  Of course, if the rest of us made as many mistakes in our jobs as weathermen do in theirs, the entire world would be a disaster area....
• BASTARD Commonly used word for an illegitimate person.
  Approximately 98% of traffic wardens are illegitimate....
• HUDSON'S ROAD, SPOTSWOOD: The railway level crossing near Spotswood Station will be closed for track work from 7.
  30pm tomorrow until 4.30pm on Wednesday. -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA....
• AND NOW A REPORT ON THE SNAIL TOLL The snail toll this year has risen to 382,272
  more than 20,000 higher than this time last year. Experts from the RSPCA accident research unit and "Gardening Australia" say that if little more rain is present for the rest of the year, the year's toll may be no higher than last year's total....
• GOOD The opposite of bad. Just down the road from nice.
  Around the corner from great. A world away from nasty....