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• MARTA WAS WATCHING THE FOOTBALL GAME with me when she said, "You know most of these sports are based on the idea of one group protecting its territory from invasion by another group.
  "Yeah," I said, trying not to laugh. Girls are funny. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988....
• Marta said I don't seem to like to read fiction very much.
  I guess you're not an `afictionado'," she said....
• Tonight, when we were eating dinner, Marta said something that really knocked me for a loop.
  She said, "I love carrots." "Good," I said as I gritted my teeth real hard....
• I think college administrators should encourage students to urinate on walls and bushe
  because then when students from another college come sniffing around, they'll know this is someone else's territory....
• Marta likes to talk about sensuality, but I don't think she would know sensuality if it bit her on the ass.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• When this girl at the museum asked me who I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, "I like mayonnaise.
  She just stared at me, so I said it again, louder....
• People laugh when I say that I think a jellyfish is one of the most beautiful things in the world.
  What they don't understand is, I mean a jellyfish with long, blond hair....
• Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh.
  But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me....
• As we were driving, we saw a sign that said "Watch For Rocks.
  Marta said it should read "Watch For PRETTY Rocks....