Related:

• The following is a recommendation from the dean at Foley College, a small liberal arts college, to the president of the college.
  "Since college-bound students are increasingly concerned about job prospects after graduation, Foley College should attempt to increase enrollment by promising to find its students jobs after they graduate....
• Marta was watching the football game with me when she said, "You know, most of these sports are based on the idea of one group protecting its territory from invasion by another group.
  Yeah," I said, trying not to laugh. Girls are funny. -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• I have to laugh when I think of the first cigar, because it was probably just a bunch of rolled-up tobacco leaves.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• I think when you go on trial they should have a parrot there that says guilty or not guilty for you, as a sort of courtesy.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I think there should be something in science called the "reindeer effect.
  I don't know what it would be, but I think it'd be good to hear someone say, "Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect....
• If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• College Students Do It With Class.
• Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back.
  NOW who's asking the questions? -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...