Related:

• Leonard Box was arrested yesterday. Somebody told him his wife was as pretty as a picture, so he hung her on the wall.
  -- Charley Weaver (Cliff Arquette)...
• Father was coming up the stairs with five gallons of elderberry wine, and he slipped and fell clear down into the basement.
  Fortunately, he didn't spill a drop--he kept his mouth closed....
• It's so cold ... Father can't milk the cows by hand because he has to wear his wool mittens.
  This tickles the cows. They get hysterical and nothing comes out but cottage cheese....
• Elsie's awfully good to her mother--she never goes home. -- Charley Weaver (Cliff Arquette)
• Elsie is so ugly she's been turned down more times than a bedspread .
  .. Two weeks ago she won first prize in a beauty contest....
• I got a ticket the other day...I pleaded insanity. The judge asked me why, and I asked him, 'would any sane person park in the passing lane?
  ' I asked, 'Judge, nice day, isn't it?' He said yes....
• Bananas are a waste of time. After you skin them and throw the bone away, there's nothing left to eat.
  -- Charley Weaver (Cliff Arquette)...
• Your father just kissed a bride and got himself a black eye.
  I know everyone does it, but not seven years after the wedding....
• Wallace Swine now has an orchestra in his restaurant, but the music is so bad that last night a waiter dropped a tray of dishes and everybody got up and started to dance.
  -- Charley Weaver (Cliff Arquette)...