Related:

• KHRISTMAS (Well, I had to get it into this week's, didn't I?
  !) Christmas is a wonderful time of year. Just a shame the Christians seem to be trying to take control of it....
• Smithers: Here are several fine young men who I'm sure are gonna go far.
  Ladies and gentlemen, the Ramones! Bu...
• I met a girl who sang the blues and I asked her for some happy news, but she just smiled and turned away.
  -- Don McLea...
• On the occasion of Nero's 25th birthday, he arrived at the Colosseum to find that the Praetorian Guard had prepared a treat for him in the arena.
  There stood 25 naked virgins, like candles on a cake, tied to poles, burning alive....
• Moe: [sighs] Here you go! Here I am! Uncle Moe -- thank you, ma'am!
  This'll be a treat: Uncle Moe!...
• Goodman: Now, who knows how the Skinners could have resolved this problem?
  [everyone puts their hands up] Without resorting to violence....
• GREATBIGOSAURUS Last of the great dinosaurs, the Greatbigosaurus became extinct just last week, when it got run down by a film-crew on its way to film a Traffic Accident Commission commercial.
  Well, come on, if you were 65 million years old, you'd be a little slow crossing the street too....
• Abortion means never having to say "Happy Birthday!
• Last week's pet, this week's special.