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• I wish a robot would get elected President. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
  -- Jack Handey...
• I think a good gift for the president would be a chocolate revolver.
  And since he's so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him and hand it to him....
• Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what IS that thing?
  ! -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Too bad when I was a kid there wasn't a guy in our class that everybody called the "Cricket Boy
  because I would have liked to stand up in class and tell everybody, "You can make fun of the Cricket Boy if you want to, but to me he's just like everybody else....
• I wish I could shrink down to the size of an ant. And maybe there would be thousands of other people shrunken down to ant-size
  and we would get together and dig tunnels down into the ground and live there....
• Whenever anybody says he's struggling to become a human being I have to laugh because the apes beat him to it by about a million years.
  Struggle to become a parrot or something. -- Jack Handey, "Deep Though...
• I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Laugh, clown, laugh. This is what I tell myself whenever I dress up like Bozo.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...