Related:

• I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be.
  I called someone. They went "Aaaaahhhh..." -- Steven Wrigh...
• I went to a haunted house, looked under the kitchen table, and found spirit gum. -- Steven Wrigh
• I went to the eye doctor and found out I needed glasses for reading.
  So, I got some flip-up contact lenses. -- Steven Wrigh...
• I went to a garage sale. How much for the garage? It's not for sale. -- Steven Wrigh
• I wonder, are the San Francisco Giants moving to Florida to avoid the danger of earthquakes?
• The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco. -- Mark Twai
• I went to a fancy french restaurant called "Deja Vu.
  The headwaiter said, Don't I know you? -- Steven Wrigh...
• I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time".
  So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. -- Steven Wrigh...
• The other day I put instant coffee in my microwave oven .
  .. I almost went back in time. -- Steven Wrigh...