Related:

• I have six locks on my door, all in a row, and when I go out I only lock every other one.
  'Cause I figure no matter how long somebody stands there, picks the locks, they're always locking three....
• Burns: Smithers, guess what happened to me last night?
  Smithers: I don't know, sir. You had sex with that old woman?...
• People want to take sex education out of the schools.
  They believe sex education causes promiscuity--if you have the knowledge, you use it....
• Have you heard about the new Super Sensitive condoms ?
  they hang about after the man leaves and talk to the woman. -- Elayne Boosler....
• People are giving birth underwater now. They say it's less traumatic for the baby because it's in water.
  Then it comes out into water. I guess it probably would be less traumatic for the baby, but certainly more traumatic for the other people in the pool....
• Is it better to be the lover or the loved one? Neither, if your cholesterol is over six hundred.
  By love, of course, I refer to romantic love -- the love between man and woman, rather than between mother and child, or a boy and his dog, or two headwaiters....
• To write with taste, in the highest sense, is to write with the assumption that one out of a hundred people who read one's work may be dying, or have some loved one dying
  o write so that no one commits suicide, no one despai...
• Women wish to be loved without a why or a wherefore
  not because they are pretty, or good, or well-bred, or graceful, or intelligent, but because they are themselves....