Related:

• My father said, "Mike, if you masturbate you'll go blind.
  I said, "Dad--I'm over here." -- Mike Binde...
• Homer: Son...my dear son, from now I'm going to be a good and attentive father.
  And for starters, your old man is going to teach you how to ride your very first bike....
• Never moon a werewolf. -- Mike Binde
• Yes, I know it's bad for me, but nagging me about it might be bad for you.
• Paul: If rubbin' frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey, I don't wanna be right.
• I wanna sit in your office... I wanna play with your office supplies! -- NPB
• Homer: [out of breath] Here's your package, Mr. Burns.
  Burns: [sputters] My name is the return address, you senseless dunderpate....
• And when do you expect to get married?" "Oh, right away, sport, right away, you know!
  I 'aven't 'ad it for weeks!" -- Monty Pytho...