Related:

• Our town was small but we got two things we're very proud of.
  Night and day. If you have a year to live, move there--it'll seem like a lifetime....
• She was so big she could kick-start a 747. -- George "Goober" Lindsey
• My best friend at home was a fellow named Sappo. He's my best friend in the world but he's ugly.
  When he was born the doctor slapped his mother. She used to have morning sickness after he was born....
• A fella's talking to his priest. He said, "I gave up sex for Lent .
  .. Well, I tried to, but the last day of Lent my wife dropped a can of peaches and when she bent over to pick 'em up, I couldn't help it....
• Three fellas up in heaven. St. Peter's interviewing them.
  He says to the first guy, "How did you get up here in heaven?...
• My friend Sappo was real depressed. He said, "I can't get any girls.
  I said, "Don't worry, listen, tomorrow we're going swimming....
• Narcissism: You and your toilet paper share the same name. -- SLR
• You may be redneck... if you've taken toilet paper home from work.
• PTP: Produce Toilet Pape