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• I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
  -- Henny Youngma...
• I will show," said Agesilaus, "that it is not the places that grace men, but men the places.
  -- Plutarch (46-120 AD) -- Laconic Apophthegms, Of Agesilaus the Grea...
• I said, "Doctor, it hurts when I do that." (Moves arm) He said, "Don't do it then.
• Called a blind date to set up a meeting at a restaurant.
  I said, "I'll be the one in the leather jacket." She said, "I'll be the one drinking sake....
• When I 'm not thank'd at all, I 'm thank'd enough; I 've done my duty, and I 've done no more.
  -- Henry Fielding (1707-1754) -- Tom Thumb the Great, Act i, Sc. 3...
• On his way back from work, a driver came upon a horrible wreck in which one car looked exactly like his neighbor's.
  Stopping hurriedly on the side of the road, he ran toward the smoldering debris....
• I was out rowing in the lake the other day and when I came in, I noted that my name was spray painted several places on the pier.
  Now, I've finally done it, achieved recognition from my piers!...
• After his legs had been broken in an accident, Mr. Miller sued for damages, claming that he was crippled and would have to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair.
  Although the insurance-company doctor testified that his bones had healed properly and that he was fully capable of walking, the judge decided for the plaintiff and awarded him $...
• My arm! said Captain Hook offhandedly.