Related:

• Patient: "Doctor, it hurts whenever I do this." Doctor: "Well, then don't DO that!
• Like I said, It never hurts to ask!
• I said to my old husband, "I'm gonna take you out into the country for a picnic.
  Do you like the country?" He said, "Sure I do. When I was a little boy, I used to live in the country....
• I called my good friend Sting. He said, "Krusty, when do you need me?
  I said, "Thursday." He said, "I'm busy Thursday....
• I filled out an application that said, "In Case Of Emergency Notify".
  I wrote "Doctor" ... What's my mother going to do? -- Steven Wrigh...
• I filled out an application that said, "In Case Of Emergency Notify".
  I wrote "Doctor"... What's my mother going to do? -- Stephen Wrigh...
• I said, I've broken my arm in several places. He said, Don't go to those places.
  -- [Possibly Henry Youngman?]...
• Marge: Bart, you said you were going to study. Ba
  [clearly in pain] Oh! My stomach. Marge: Mmm, you just don't want to take that test....
• While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom.
  They put it in _exactly_ the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said...