Related:

• I hate blind dates, but a friend says he could set me up, so I said, "Okay.
  But you should have seen this girl. It was like she hadn't taken a bath in a month....
• My next-door neighbor's little girl, 16 years old, pretty little girl--showed up just as pregnant as she could be.
  Her mama hit the ceiling. She said, "Who done it?...
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• She was ugly! She was known as a two-bagger. That's a girl who's so ugly, when you go out with her you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.
  She was so ugly, you look in the dictionary under "ugly" and you see her picture....
• A Southern boy graduates from high school heads north to college, taking the family dog, Old Blue with him, for company.
  He's only been there a few weeks when he gets a call from his girlfriend...
• Once upon a time there was a beautiful young girl taking a stroll through the woods.
  All at once she saw an extremely ugly bull frog seated on a log and to her amazement the frog spoke to her....
• I love those slow-talking Southern girls. I was out with a Southern girl last night, took her so long to tell me she wasn't that kind of girl, she was.
  -- Woody Woodbury...
• Bart: No way, she's faking! If Lisa[?] stays home, &l
  I> stay home. Lisa: If Bart stays home, I'm going to school....
• The way my jeweler explained it, it's like insurance.
  Six months' pay isn't much to keep my wife from sleeping around....