Related:

• Monica: Okay. It's-it's about Alan. There's something that you should know.
  I mean, there's really no easy way to say this.. uh....
• Chandler: She's amazing! She makes the women that I dream about look like short, fat, bald men!
  Monica: Well, go over to her! She's not with anyone....
• This morning I caught my wife in a lie ... I'm sitting there in the kitchen, having some coffee, biscuits, some jelly.
  About eleven-thirty my old lady came in, and her wig was amuss....
• When I was growing up, my mom wanted me to become a priest, which I think is a tough occupation.
  Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you all the highlights of theirs?...
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• Homer: [awkwardly] Uh...so, let's have a conversation.
  Um...I think we'll find we have very little in common....
• A man was griping to his friend about how he hated to go home after a late card games.
  "You wouldn't believe what I go through to avoid waking my wife," he said....
• My wife loves ME, It's the computer she hates!
• On this morning in August when I was 13, my mother sent us out pick tomatoes.
  Back in April I'd have killed for a fresh tomato, but in August they are no more rare or wonderful than rocks....