Related:

• I read this article, it said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, smoking too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast.
  Are they kidding? This is my idea of a great day! -- Monica Pipe...
• Everthing is farther away than it used to be. It is even twice as far to the corner and they have added a hill.
  I have given up running for the bus; it leaves earlier than it used to....
• I bought this thing for my car. You put it on your car, it sends out this little noise, so when you drive through the woods, deer won't run in front of your car.
  I installed it backwards by accident. Driving down the street with a herd of deer chasing me....
• Marge: Homer, the guest should get the last pork chop.
  Homer: But I'm still hungry! [under the table, Jay's and Homer's stomach growl at each other like dogs] [Homer's frightens Jay's into whimpering] Jay...
• Joey: All right. [gets up] Monica: [stopping him] No!
  Joey, we swore we'd never tell! Chandler: [running over and joining Monica] They'll never understand!...
• Juries scare me. I don't want to put my fate in the hands of twelve people who weren't even smart enough to get out of jury duty.
  -- Monica Pipe...
• Burns: But they're so wretchedly adorable. 25 little Rory Calhouns.
  ..I can't do it. But I can kill you. [Lisa whimpers like a puppy] No, I can't kill you either....
• Phoebe: Monica, can I talk to you behind my menu, please.
  [Behind the menu] What are you doing? Monica: Well, I was having a conversation....
• I was driving my car around, I decided to hook my brake lights up to my gas pedal.
  Just to confuse people behind me. I hit the gas and the brake lights go on....