Related:

• I just had an emotional breakdown. Wanna give me a lift?
• 'Jumper cables': Rum and Jolt Cola.
• Neighbors!! We got neighbors! We ain't supposed to have any neighbors, and I just had to shoot one.
  -- Post Brothers Comic...
• I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.
  So I said, Got any shoes you're not using? -- Steven Wrigh...
• If I had a mine shaft, I don't think I would just abandon it.
  There's got to be a better way. -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• IF I HAD A MINE SHAFT, I don't think I would just abandon it.
  There's got to be a better way. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988....
• My computer has cables... So why can't I get HBO?
• Milhouse: Hey Bart, got any new tricks for us today?
  Bart: Just one. A little something I call "Plucking the Pickle". -- "Bart the Love...
• I used to be a heavy gambler. But now I just make mental bets.
  That's how I lost my mind. -- Steve Alle...