Related:

• I am so optimistic about beef prices that I've just leased a pot roast with an option to buy.
• My Wife of Borg: I have checks. Balance is irrelevent.
• My uncle staggered in the other night, loaded. His wife said, "Where have you been?
  He said, "I bought something for the house." She said, "What did you buy for the house?...
• I could buy a 3DO, or I could eat this year! Decisions, decisions...
• I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something. -- Jackie Maso
• I want a WESSON OIL lease!! -- Zippy the Pinhead
• I have already given two cousins to the war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife's brother.
  -- Artemus Ward...