Related:

• I don't exercise. I'm Jewish. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
  JOAN RIVERS...
• When I found out I was pregnant, I was thrilled. It made me feel just like a high school girl again.
  Also, my condition really proved most eloquently the fact that I was loved--if only for a moment....
• Two weeks after I was born my mother tried to have an abortion .
  .. When you're not wanted they never like you. All I heard when I grew up wa...
• I broke a mirror in my house. I'm supposed to get seven years of bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• Men are so shallow. They like nurses! Single, vicious, good-looking girls .
  .. little short skirts, the top button undone, always leaning over in the operating room...
• Who drank my beer while I was in the rear? -- Chuck Murphy.
• I bought this tagline with all of my lottery money.
• I get enough exercise pushing my luck.
• Like you, I am frequently haunted by profound questions related to man's place in the Scheme of Things.
  Here are just a few: Q -- Is there life after death?...