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• When one told Plistarchus that a notorious railer spoke well of him, "I 'll lay my life," said he, "somebody hath told him I am dead, for he can speak well of no man living.
  -- Plutarch (46-120 AD) -- Of Plistarchu...
• I distrust a man who says when. If he's got to be careful not to drink too much, it's because he's not to be trusted when he does.
  -- Sidney Greenstreet, "The Maltese Falco...
• He: Baby, drinking makes you beautiful. She: I don't drink. He: I do.
• When I drink, *everybody* drinks!" a man shouted to the assembled bar patrons.
  A loud general cheer went up. After downing his whiskey, he hopped onto a barstool and shouted "When I take another drink, *everybody* takes another drink!...
• Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls ... In our house, we have Alka-Seltzer on tap.
  If you cook like I do, the best thing I can tell you is not to be sensitive....
• I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
  -- Fred Alle...
• I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
  -- Fred Alle...