Related:

• If you want to recapture your youth, just cut off his allowance. -- Al Bernstei
• Lisa: Aw, come on, Bart, not again! Bart: [dialing the phone] Aw, where's your sense of humor.
  Moe: Moe's Tavern. Bart: Hello, is Al there? Moe...
• Happiness is in direct proportion to the distance from the home office.
  Contradictory Corollary: The diner who is furthest from the kitchen is a nervous eater....
• Peg: " What's up with men who have to look at other women when they have us at home?
  Al: " Well, sometimes when you drive a Dodge you want to close your eyes and dream it's a Ferrari....
• Your rich uncle will die, but will spell your name incorrectly.
• Why don't you wake up and smell what you shovelling?
  -- Sgt. Al Powell (Reginald Veljohnson), Die Hard...
• I'd love to, but... I think you want the OTHER [your name]. -- 98 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO
• Do you want to know what's wrong with you?
• If you want divine justice, die. -- Nick Seldo