Related:

• If you lived today as if it were your last, you'd buy up a box of rockets and fire them all off, wouldn't you?
  -- Garrison Keillo...
• When you're around it all the time, you don't notice it so much.
  -- Garrison Keillor, "Lake Wobegon Day...
• May your soul be forever tormented by fire and your bones be dug up by dogs and dragged through the streets of Minneapolis.
  -- Garrison Keillo...
• He didn't run for reelection. `Politics brings you into contact with all the people you'd give anything to avoid,' he said.
  `I'm staying home.' -- Garrison Keillor, _Lake_Wobegone_Days_...
• Lake Wobegon takes its name from an Indian phrase that means either 'Here we are!
  ' or 'we sat all day in the rain waiting for you.' -- Garrison Keillor, "Lake Wobegon Day...
• Ruth: [about her ex-husband] To top it off, he's been stiffing me on child support for the last four months.
  Marge: Hmm. Well, you _were_ unlucky. But there _are_ a lot of good men out there....
• When the Universe was not so out of whack as it is today
  and all the stars were lined up in their proper places, you could easily count them from left to right, or top to bottom, and the larger and bluer ones were set apart, and the smaller yellowing types pushed off to the corners as bodies of a lower grade....
• Asked how she felt being the first woman to make a major-league team
  he said, "Like a pig in mud," or words to that effect, and then turned and released a squirt of tobacco juice from the wad of rum soaked plug in her right cheek....