Related:

• Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• We like to praise birds for flying. But how much of it is actually flying, and how much of it is just sort of coasting from the previous flap?
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Isn't it funny how whenever we go to a county fair or a state fair, the first thing we do is see if they have some kind of pornography booth?
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• When the age of the Vikings came to a close, they must have sensed it.
  Probably, they gathered together one evening, slapped each other on the back and said, "Hey, good job....
• Isn't it funny how we'll look out the window at the moon, and then we notice it's not the moon but a streetlight?
  Also what's funny is how we do this every night. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If you were a gladiator in olden days, I bet the inefficiency of how the gladiator fights were organized and scheduled would just drive you up a wall.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If you were a pirate, you know what would be the one thing that would really make you mad?
  Treasure chests with no handles. How the hell are you supposed to carry it?...
• I think a good gift for the president would be a chocolate revolver.
  And since he's so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him and hand it to him....
• It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy that makes happiness.