Related:

• Two men were sitting over coffee, contemplating the nature of things, with all due respect for their breakfast.
  I wonder why it is that toast always falls on the buttered side," said one....
• Barney: My friend [Moe] and I have a bet. Are you Mary Tyler Moore?
  Patty: [maces him] Barney: Waugh! [belch] Ooh, wow!...
• Barney is the Conspiracy's way of preparing children for Rush Limbaugh.
• What really shapes and conditions and makes us is somebody only a few of us ever have the courage to face
  and that is the child you once were, long before formal education ever got its claws into you -- that impatient, all-demanding child who wants love and power and can't get enough of either and who goes on raging and weeping in your spirit till at last your eyes are closed and all the fools say, "Doesn't he look peaceful?...
• Saleswoman says: "...this is the first toy made for children, by children, with all profits going to children.
  Lisa says: "Really" Saleswoman says: "Well we're all somebody's children" Episode...
• If children knew what their parents were really like, they'd kill them in their sleep.
  -- Frank Zappa...
• Barney: [discovers the salad bar] Hey, what's this?
  Moe: A sneeze guard. Barney: [sneezes, spewing snot all over the sneeze guard] Wow, it really works!...
• T were vain to tell thee all I feel, Or say for thee I 'd die.
  -- J. A. Wade (1800-1875) -- 'T were vain to tell...
• Man, were he not corrupted by Governments, is naturally the friend of Man, and that human nature is not of itself vicious.
  -- Thomas Paine...