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• A secret. Shhh. Keep it to yourself. Really. Don't tell anyone.
• Marriage is not a man's idea. A woman must've thought of it.
  Years ago some guy said, "Let me get this straight, honey....
• It always does seem to me that I am doing more work than I should do.
  It is not that I object to the work, mind you; I like work...
• Why do my fusion pistols keep exploding?!?
• Are you a parent? Do you sometimes find yourself unsure as to what to say in those awkward situations?
  Worry no more... When are you going to grow up?...
• People want to know why I do this, why I write such gross stuff.
  I like to tell them I have the heart of a small boy -- and I keep it in a jar on my desk....
• I haven't killed anyone yet. Help me keep it that way.
• Are you a parent? Do you sometimes find yourself unsure as to what to say in those awkward situations?
  Worry no more... Good children always obey. Quit acting so childish....
• There's no point in keeping an idea to yourself since there's a 10 to 1 chance that somebody already has it and will share it before you.
  Shlomi Fish...