Related:

• The somewhat old and crusty vicar was taking a well-earned retirement from his rather old and crusty parish.
  As is usual in these cases, a locum was sent to cover the transition period....
• I paid a visit to my local precinct in Greenwich Village and asked a sergeant to show me some rape statistics.
  He politely obliged. That month there had been thirty-five rape complaints, an advance of ten over the same month for the previous year....
• How 'bout a clothes shop for Swinging Blue Jeans?
• I met the Surgeon General; he offered me a cigarette.
• I take Him shopping with me. I say, 'OK, Jesus, help me find a bargain' -- Tammy Faye Bakke
• HAGGIS A Scottish dish made of the heart, lungs, and liver of a sheep, chopped up with suet, onions, oatmeal etc, seasoned and boiled in a sheep's stomach-bag or substitute.
  I think I'm going to be sick. Have you ever considered the argument that vomit is a lifeform in itself, subject to the same foibles as the rest of lifekind?...
• When a man pulled two guns on convenience store clerk Wazir Jiwi and demanded money, Jiwi asked how much he wanted for one of the guns.
  He said $100, which Jiwi paid him. Then Jiwi offered to buy the second gun....
• FUCK You've just been waiting for this definition, haven't you.
  Here is how to use the word 'fuck' in almost any conversation....