Related:

• If you anticipate bus delays by leaving your house thirty minutes early, your bus will arrive as soon as you reach the bus stop or when you light up a cigarette, whichever comes first.
  -- John Corcora...
• Pittsburgh driver's test 3: When stopped at an intersection you should a) watch the traffic light for your lane.
  b) watch for pedestrians crossing the street. c) blow the horn....
• Lovka's Law of Driving: There is no traffic until you need to make a left turn.
• TRAFFIC LIGHT Apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches it.
• Green light in A.M. for new projects. Red light in P.M. for traffic tickets.
• Green light in a.m. for new projects. Red light in P.M. for traffic tickets.
• Half-done: This is the best way to eat a kosher dill -- when it's still crunchy, light green, yet full of garlic flavor.
  The difference between this and the typical soggy dark green cucumber corpse is like the difference between life and death....