Related:

• If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. Johnny Carso
• If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living asking "Do you want fries with that?
  John Cleese...
• And thought the nation ne'er would thrive Till all the whores were burnt alive.
  -- Matthew Prior (1664-1721) -- Paulo Purganti...
• If only Dionysus were alive! Where would he eat? -- Woody Alle
• All would be well if there were no buts.
• The best things in life are free. And the cheesiest things in life are free with a paid subscription to Sports Illustrated.
  -- Johnny Carso...
• If you laid all the Elvis impersonators in the world, end to end.
  .. you'd wanna run and get a steam roller, real fast. -- David Letterma...
• You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you.
  I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company....