Related:

• Florence Flask was ... dressing for the opera when she turned to her husband and screamed, "Erlenmeyer!
  My joules! Someone has stolen my joules!" "Now, now, my dear," replied her husband, "keep your balance and reflux a moment....
• This morning I caught my wife in a lie ... I'm sitting there in the kitchen, having some coffee, biscuits, some jelly.
  About eleven-thirty my old lady came in, and her wig was amuss....
• The woman hurried home from her doctor's appointment, devastated by the medical report she had just received.
  When her husband came in from work, she told him, "Darling, the doctor said I have only twelve more hours to live....
• Homer: I don't want to alarm you, Marge, but I seem to be trapped in here.
  Marge: Hmm. I better call Ned. He has a ladder! [in 3D land] Home...
• Asked how she felt being the first woman to make a major-league team
  he said, "Like a pig in mud," or words to that effect, and then turned and released a squirt of tobacco juice from the wad of rum soaked plug in her right cheek....
• Marge: Good news, honey: two weeks are up. You don't have to wear your glasses any more!
  And your scalp and posture seem fine. Bart: [triumphant] Yes!...
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• The honeymooning couple agreed it was a fine day for horseback riding.
  After a mile or so, the bride's mount cantered under a low tree and a branch scraped her forehead lightly....