Related:

• Can you hammer a 6-inch spike into a wooden plank with your penis?
  "Uh, not right now." "Tsk. A girl has to have some standards." -- "Real Geniu...
• Wiggum: Wait a minute. If the second old geezer got shot, how come nobody reported it?
  [at the old folks home, they pound on door 26] [Jasper answers] Wiggum...
• Moe: Sure, Homer, I can loan you all the money you need.
  However, since you have no collateral, I'm going to have to break your legs in advance....
• You can have it right, or you can have it now. But you can't have it right now. -- Woodard's Law
• Brodka: Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Simpson? This is detective Don Brodka from Try-N-Save security.
  That's right, Don Brodka. Your son Bart has been caught shoplifting....
• 1. Work Hard: hard work is the best investment a man can make.
  2. Study Hard: Knowledge enables a man to work more intelligently and effectively....
• Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents -- What Exactly is marriage?
  ? -- Eric, AGE 6...
• Smithers: Sir, the designers are here with some prototypes for your casino.
  Brit: Gentlemen, I give you Brittania! Gambling with all the glitz and glamour of the British Isles....
• Bart: [groans] Oh, my head. Lisa: Tsk, tsk, tsk, the remorse of the sugar junkie.
  Bart: Ohh...I don't remember anything. Lisa: Really?...