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• I was acquainted with a young lady who divorced a guy named Wong.
  Her maiden name was Reilly Watts. Her married name became "Reilly? Watt's Wong?...
• Hoover: OK, our next entry is "The Tell-Tale Heart" by Alison Taylor.
  Skinner: Mmm, I can't wait to see this. [low voice] Be ready with the ribbon....
• I am immortal, at least till I die.
• There was a young lady named Twiss Who said she thought fucking a bliss, For it tickled her bum And caused her to come .
  iht ekil gniyl ylbatrofmoc elihW...
• There was a young lady named Hall, Wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
  The dress caught on fire And burned her entire Front page, sporting section, and all....
• As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• ABSTAINER, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
  A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others....
• We read of a certain Roman emperor who built a magnificent palace.
  In digging the foundation, the workmen discovered a golden sarcophagus ornamented with three circlets, on which were inscribed, "I have expended...
• I thought I saw a Puddy Cat.....