Related:

• Some thoughts... -- Spotted on the back of a tshirt worn by LAPD Bomb Squad
  If you see me running, try to keep up." -- Light travels faster than sound....
• Note: If answer to last question begins with "T" or "A", discontinue and leave premises - keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised* What do you want to be IF you grow up?
  I swear that all the above information is correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, bodily harm, dismemberment, torture or mental abuse....
• Allow me to be the first to recommend an excellent book of *really* nasty revenge getters.
  It's called "Getting Even: the complete book of Dirty Tricks" (in 2 volumes, I believe) Unfortunately, I don't have my copy here, so I can't give the author's name, but I think it (they?...
• Ralph's Observation: It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry.
• USEFUL PHRASES TO KNOW WHEN TRAVELING IN MOSLEM AREAS "Akbar khali-kili haftir lotfan" = (Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun) "Fekr gabul cardan davat paeh gush divar" = (I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie down on the floor with my arms above my head and my legs apart) "Shomaeh fekr tamomeh oeh gofteh bande" = (I agree with everything you have ever said or thought in your life) "Auto arraregh davateman mano sepheh-hast" = (It is exceptionally kind of you to allow me to travel in the trunk of your car) "Khrel jepaheh maneh vajateii amrikahey" = (I will tell you the names and addresses of many American spies traveling as reporters) "Balli
  balli, balli!" = (Whatever you say!) "Maternier ghermez ahlieh, ghorban" = (The red blindfold would be lovely, excellency) "Tikeh nuneh ba ob khrelleh bezorg va khrube boyast ino begeram" = (The water-soaked bread crumbs are delicious, thank you....
• If you want my advice, pay me!
• Do you like me for my brain, or my baud?