Related:

• Teenagers are like CATS: ** Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.
  ** No matter what you do for them, it is not enough....
• Here's another one, (partly) remembered. It is best said very fastand loud and with no pause
  o receive the desired effect (the calling party will have lost all concentration and leave babbling garbage on the tape)....
• Greeting Cards That Were Rejected By Halmark: "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonde
  ... -- What was I thinking?" "Congratulations on your wedding day!...
• Dogs come when you call. Cats have answering machines.
• Letter to the Bank Manager Dear Bank Manager, I am writing to thank you for bouncing the check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.
  By my calculations some three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check, and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it....
• W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l
  < -if you have to ask get out of the way- Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
• Freddy Fish and Sam Clam were the best of friends, and did everything together.
  One day, though, both perished in a freak mishap....
• Once upon a time there was a sperm named Stanley who lived inside a famous movie actor.
  Stanley was a very healthy sperm. He'd do pushups and somersaults and limber himself up all the time, while the other sperm just lay around on their fat asses not doing a thing....
• A Frenchman, an Englishman, a Texan, and a Mexican are flying in a plane.
  The pilot explains to her passengers that the plane is too heavy and in order to avoid an ugly crash, some weight needs to be removed from the plane....