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• Never eat anything that winks at you.
• Windows 3.0: More holes than you can count.
• Signs That Were Found In Peoples Kitchens: ** A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen and this kitchen is delirious.
  ** No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes....
• Mother Superior: "Sister Maria, if you walk through town at night, and you're accosted by a man with bad intentions, what would you do?
  Sister Maria: "I would lift my habit, mother Superior....
• dogs vs. women HOW DOGS AND WOMEN ARE ALIKE Both look stupid in hats.
  Both can eat 5 pounds of chocolate in one sitting....
• A: Hi I make more money than you can spend. B: Hi I'm leaving faster than you can comprehend.
• You have to read the whole thing: The following is from a 1950's Home Economics textbook intended for the High School girls, teaching how to prepare for married life.
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• Why is sex better with sheep? They're always in the mood, never have a headache, and when you're done, you can eat them.