Related:

• Rodney Dangerfield: I went to my doctor and told him, "Hey, Doc!
  I just took an entire bottle of sleeping pills....
• A man suffering from a severe case of flatulence goes to the doctor.
  Man: Doctor, I have a terrible (FARRRT!) problem....
• A man suffering from a severe case of flatulence goes to the doctor.
  Man: Doctor, I have a terrible <FART> problem....
• Flick Lives! (my wife told me to use this...)
• Straw, no, to stupid a fad, I put soot on warts.
• Gobbler said, "Doctor, help me! I can't stop acting like a turkey!
  "I see," said the doctor. "How long have you had this problem?...
• I remember when I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills.
  I get no respect - my doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest ......
• Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes.
  If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals....
• Stop reading me. I don't really exist!