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• To Be Tried On Acquaintances: You: "I read a poll the other day that half of all people masturbate in the shower, and the other half sings.
  Do you know what they sing?" Their Standard Answe...
• I was pleased to answer promptly. I said I didn't know.
• Knock knock Who's there? Don Juan Don Juan who? I Don Juan to set the world on fire!
• Please Mr. Custard, I don' wanna gel ...
• My favorite answer to 'Were you sleeping?' is "That's okay, I had to get up to answer the phone anyway.
• I know where MY towel is!
• Here are some of my favorite jokes from the HBO special Jackie Mason On Broadway.
  Keep in mind that Jackie is a former rabbi. His father and two brothers are also rabbis....
• On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question.
  For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs....
• Three standard Peter Lax jokes (heard in his lectures)
  1. What's the contour integral around Western Europe?...