Related:

• My answering machine reads, with spooky music in the background, or Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D minor, "Hello.
  You have reached xxx-xxxx,otherwise known as the epicenter of the universe....
• Bacchus: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.
• My wife is just as nice as can be, I hope she doesn't feel to nice toward me, For an afternoon of joy Is hell on the old boy.
  I wonder what the wife will want tonight!...
• My Loss is Your Gain!
• More Things Only A Mom Can Teach You: My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
  "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!...
• Jesus and Moses are sitting around Heaven one day, bored.
  Waddya wanna do today, Moses?" Jesus asks. "I don't know," Moses replies....
• A tale of woe...by Poe? Or a vain attempt at literature by the computer semi-literate?
  Anonymous, with all apologies due to E. A. Poe Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary, Systems manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor, Longing for the warmth of bedsheets, Still I sat there, doing spreadshee...
• After the third murder in as many months of residents of the fourth floor of the dormitory, Sherlock Holmes was called in the case.
  In each death the body of a student had been discovered the next morning crushed and covered with tire marks....