Related:

• I had quite an experience today. I was in the mall parking lot and there was this woman getting in her car.
  She was about to close the door when this other woman tried to park beside her and hit her car, slamming the door on her foot....
• Hi, this is ______________...I'm not here anymore because I've committed suicide--so if it's about any money I owe you, I'll see you in Hell!
• M R ducks M R not M R too C M wangs L I B M R ducks!
• Hell with World. I can make my own people!
• Draft Dodger Rag by Phil Ochs [annotated for Danforth Quayle] Oh I am just a typical American boy [with a filthy rich grandpa] > from a typical American town [where my daddy runs the newspaper] I believe in God and Senator Dodd and keeping old Castro down.
  [not to mention Daniel Ortega] And when it came my time to serve I knew better dead than red, [or is it better red than dead?...
• Remember: Spell Check your jokes, and include a one line signature at most.
  From werner Wed Jul 13 14:06:34 1988 Flags: 000000000001 From...
• Things you won't see on Hallmark cards: OUTSIDE: As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am INSIDE
  hat you're not here to ruin it for me. OUTSIDE: I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love....
• IBM - (I)nferior (B)ut (M)arketable.
• See... I CAN do it in ten lines!