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• A COLLECTION OF ONE-LINERS Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm Eagles may soa
  but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol I intend to live forever-so far, so good I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?...
• One Liners Worth Remembering Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm Eagles may soa
  but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol I intend to live forever - so far, so good I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?...
• More One Liners * If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
  * For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain....
• What? Me worry? I have a backup.....somewhere.....
• MISCELLANEOUS THOUGHTS Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese - think about this one.
  I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week. I almost had a psychic boyfriend but he left me before we met....
• What... Me Worry?
• What me worry?
• Contributed by Steve Kufer, who attended the event.
  Here are highlights from Comedy Celebration Day on July 31, 1988 in San Francisco....
• Great A Hot & Juicy Story Well, I was loafin' around the salad bar at the burger stand one chili day on Coney Island, when I Frito-Lay'd my eyes on the sweetest little tomato I'd ever seen.
  Let's just say I could tell she wasn't gonna be ice-cold or taste like some of those cheaper spreads I'd eaten....