More One Liners
* If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
* For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
* Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
* Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
* I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
* I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
* Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
* Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
* Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
* I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week
* I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met
* I intend to live forever - so far, so good
* I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy
* If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
* Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
* Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States
* Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
* Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have
* Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
* The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
* Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
* If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
* Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder ...
* 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?
* If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.
* Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
* When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
* Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
* If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
* Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
* What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
* Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
* I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
* I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
* Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
* How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
* Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
* Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
* Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
* OK, so what's the speed of dark?
* Black holes are where God divided by zero.
* All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
* I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
HOW DO I SUBSCRIBE?
It's free! Just send a message to
oracle-humor-subscribe@lyris.oraclehumor.com
* If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
* For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
* Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
* Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
* I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
* I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
* Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
* Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
* Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
* I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week
* I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met
* I intend to live forever - so far, so good
* I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy
* If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
* Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
* Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States
* Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
* Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have
* Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
* The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
* Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
* If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
* Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder ...
* 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?
* If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.
* Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
* When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
* Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
* If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
* Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
* What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
* Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
* I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
* I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
* Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
* How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
* Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
* Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
* Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
* OK, so what's the speed of dark?
* Black holes are where God divided by zero.
* All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
* I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
HOW DO I SUBSCRIBE?
It's free! Just send a message to
oracle-humor-subscribe@lyris.oraclehumor.com
Related:
- One Liners Worth Remembering
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
Eagles may soar,
but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines Early... - A COLLECTION OF ONE-LINERS
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
Eagles may soar,
but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines Early... - MISCELLANEOUS THOUGHTS
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese -
think about this one. I'm not cheap, but I am on special... - One Liners
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.... - W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<<<
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while... - The Complete Set Of Blonde Jokes
--
12/15/92 Q: How do blonde braincells die... - What's the difference between a banjo and a(n)...
Chain Saw:
( 1.) a chain saw has a dynamic range. ( 2.) you can... - How about that footage on the news yesterday of our new Commander-in-
Chief on the deck of the aircraft carrier (Teddy Roosevelt... - Federal Aviation Agency,
Washington 25, D.C.
Gentlemen:
I was asked to make a written statement concerning...
