Related:

• I can't help being me...I was born this way.
• Aphorisms: ***** Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
  Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either....
• I was born right the first time.
• Kidnapped in Lebanon!! How many time have I heard THAT excuse!
  ! Do you realize that all but 3 of your students have dropped your classes!?!...
• BAR TRANSLATIONS "No, really, I'm OK to drive." --I'm wasted, and I am too embarrassed to have anybody see who I am going home with.
  "I'm not used to these darts." --I'm not used to throwing anything smaller than a pool cue when I am this bombed....
• A roving reporter from the BBC was touring a remote part of the Scottish Highlands looking for material for a documentary about the way of life there.
  REPORTER: Hello there, excuse me, I'm from the BBC and I'm gathering material for a documentary about the way of life in the remote parts of the Scottish Highlands....
• No, no, NOT "born again." I said I was into PORN again!
• What's a baby before it's born? Daddy's little squirt.
• Fast Thinking A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive.
  The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up....