Related:

• Here's my favorite, for calling large offices and idiots-in-general
  "Hello, is this the person to whom I am speaking?...
• PARDON me, am I speaking ENGLISH?
• Hello, I am part number ³ºÞº³º³Û³ºÝ³ºÝ³³
• Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you.
• Hello, epicenter of the Universe, God speaking. If you leave your name, number, and prayer after the tone, I will call you back as soon as I can.
  Please note that I answer all prayers, but sometimes the answer is NO....
• Hello, I must be leaving!
• To whom should I go to for some self-help?