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• Procrastination means never having to say you're sorry.
• Fundamentalism means never having to open your mind.
• DOS means never having to live hand-to-mouse.
• Bluff means never having to sway your story.
• Most congressional incumbents will win re-election, experts say.
  It'll save having to learn to dislike someone new....
• I'm sorry. Did you say something?
• Did you say MNP means Modem Needs Pizza?
• The Northrop Corporation has taken legal action to prevent a Texas company from marketing a new product Northrop says might be confused with its B-2 Stealth bomber.
  The product: Stealth Condoms. The slogan? They'll never see you coming....
• It is with regret that I must say that the controversy over this matter and the volume of response have blown far out of proportion.
  It is my current belief that an excessive amount of mail directed at the Kitchener- Waterloo Record can only aggravate the situation....