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• THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS On the first day of Christmas, my kitten ruined for me.
  ....... A batch of my special hand-print cookies....
• Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman 1. A Christmas tree doesn't care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.
  2. Christmas trees don't get mad if you use exotic electrical devices....
• HAVE A MICROSOFT CHRISTMAS 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house Not a creature was stirring, except father's mouse.
  The computer was humming, the icons were hopping, As father did last-minute Internet shopping....
• I came up with this idea for a different kind of version of Fleetwood's Don't Stop, I thought it was fitting since Clinton and Gore played this song at their election party.
  > "Don't Stop" (real lyrics have "> >" before them) > > (original words by Christine McVie of Fleetwood Mac) > > If you wake up and don't want to smile, > If it takes just a little while, > Open your eyes and look at the day, > You'll see things in a different way....
• DEAR (Your Choice) I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year, and if you are, I will have some special treats for you this year at XMAS.
  I cannot promise you all the gifts from the twelve days of XMAS this year as the twelve fiddlers have all come down with the clap from fiddling with the ten ladies dancing....
• Barry Scheck is Losing It (The infamous Mr.
  Scheck is the attorney representing the famous "British nanny," and was also a member of O....
• The ark lands after The Flood. Noah lets all the animals out.
  Says, "Go and multiply." Several months pass. Noah decides to check up on the animals....
• Things to do When Bored -Wax the ceiling -Rearrange political campaign signs -Sharpen your teeth -Play Houdini with one of your siblings -Braid your dog's hair -Clean and polish your belly button -Water your dog.
  ..see if he grows -Wash a tree -Knight yourself -Name your child Edsel -Scare Stephen King -Give your cat a mohawk -Purr -Mow your carpet -Play Pat Boone records backwards -Vacuum your lawn -Whine -Rake your carpet -Re-elect Richard Nixon -Critique "Three's Company" -Listen to a painting -Play with matches -Buff your cat -Race ferrets -Paint your house....
• Why Is A Christmas Tree Better Than A Man 1. A Christmas tree is always erect.
  2. Even small ones give satisfaction. 3. A Christmas tree stays up for 12 days and nights....