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• I have nothing against Michael Jackson, but if my son ever goes around wearing just one glove, he better be playing baseball!
• Q: What do the L.A. Dodgers have in common with Michael Jackson?
  A: They wear a glove on one hand for no apparent reason....
• 100 reasons why it's great to be a girl 1. free dinners 2.
  free lunches 3. free brunches 4. free movies (you get the point) 5....
• A Frenchman, an Englishman, a Texan, and a Mexican are flying in a plane.
  The pilot explains to her passengers that the plane is too heavy and in order to avoid an ugly crash, some weight needs to be removed from the plane....
• How about that footage on the news yesterday of our new Commander-in- Chief on the deck of the aircraft carrier (Teddy Roosevelt?
  ).. After throwing one of his snappy salutes (he's *almost* got that down), I half expected him to give the order, "Let's turn this thang around....
• W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l
  < -if you have to ask get out of the way- Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
• How to know whether or not you are ready to have kid
  - Mess Test Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains....
• NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE To the citizens of the United States of America
  In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today....
• 100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate 1. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat.
  Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in....