Related:

• How about that footage on the news yesterday of our new Commander-in- Chief on the deck of the aircraft carrier (Teddy Roosevelt?
  ).. After throwing one of his snappy salutes (he's *almost* got that down), I half expected him to give the order, "Let's turn this thang around....
• We were surprised that the Democratic convention's start wasn't delayed for Mondale veep interviews with George Brett, Gary Carter, Dale Murphy, Dwight Gooden and Fernando Valenzuela.
• One speaker at this summer's Democratic national convention will be Jimmy Carter.
  Apparently no one fears a spontaneous movement to draft him....
• The Wit and Wisdom of Billy Carte
• ALIEN ZOMBIE & THE CONGO LIZARDS You’re in luck. As my luck would have it, I made my bones in a musical family.
  Grandpop slapped ivories at the Congo, and Daddy-O moonlit his rocket ‘88 in the lizard lounges....
• A NEW YEAR’S ADAM ON CHRISTMAS EVE, BUD Beginnings end.
  ..and endings begin. That’s either a Biblical paraphrase or a Microsoft credo....
• The Telephone Sales Person A telephone sales person makes a call to an unknown prospect and a very small, very soft, very quiet, and obviously young person answers the phone.
  *Sales person:* Hello, may I speak to the man of the house please?...
• I thought you'd all like to hear about the potential candidates meeting with the Wizard of Oz.
  .. First, President Bush went to see the Wizard and said, "Everyone says I have no compassion or feelings, I wish to have a Heart"....
• Old TV Show Plots Updated for the 90's (Part I) 15> "Gidget Dot Com" -- Jenny McCarthy stars as Gidget the world-famous Webmistress and part-time model.
  14> "The Love Boat" -- Doc sells Isaac's and Gopher's kidneys to pay for his new girlfriend's crack habit....