- First Law of Laboratory Work: Hot glass looks exactly the same as cold glass.
- The Sausage Principle: People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either one being made.
- Merkin's Maxim: When in doubt, predict that the present trend will continue.
- Lewis' Law: People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
- Shirley's Law: Most people deserve each other.
- Allen's Law: Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
- Allen's Axiom: When all else fails, follow instructions.
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